I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
