He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
