I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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