Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
