Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
