Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
