tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the day after is always just damage control
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
