I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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