ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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