forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
