Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
