where am i from again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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