Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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