Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
