My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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