I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
