i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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