So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
