I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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