she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
