I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
