i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
