Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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