I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She announced her abortion via fbk
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
