I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
