I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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