sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
