WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Everyone says I win the strip club
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
