Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Holy sore nipples Batman
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
