do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
