Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You took a bar mat shot.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
