I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
