If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
