There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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