You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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