If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
