Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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