Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
