Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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