Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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