Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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