My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
