frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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