My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
