i permit you to call me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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