i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
