ADVERTISEMENT

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  you can....by speaking....

  Fav 16 2767 3162

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

  Fav 20 5367 2448

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?

  Fav 9 2417 2017

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips

  Fav 25 964 1565

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life

  Fav 2 1538 888

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

  Fav 7 1003 1263

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i think the last part kind of negates the first part there

  Fav 3 1234 642

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.

  Fav 2 925 502

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.

  Fav 3 676 773

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...

  Fav 3 32 109

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound

  Fav 1 48 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that

  Fav 1 80 26

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.

  Fav 0 16 33

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation

  Fav 0 30 20

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (914): View more from New York

  No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!

  Fav 0 52 15

  share tweet
  

Randomize