So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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