Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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