its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
